He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
