For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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