Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize