so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
