hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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