he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
