how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
