I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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