the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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