I hate all girls vehemently.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
