He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
