Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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