True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
