my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
