I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
