When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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