im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
