I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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