who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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