i jhust puked up my retainher.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Mom said you looked used
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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