woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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