You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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