if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
