I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
