Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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