She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
