I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
