the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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