i don't plan on having that self control this summer
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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