i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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