She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
