apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
