My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
