carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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