worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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