We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
