the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
