Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sext me about skeletons
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
