Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
