You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
