I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize