Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
