so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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