in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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