Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
