We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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