Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't turn off my feet"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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