i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
