I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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