guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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