I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
