I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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