Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
