So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
