You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
