the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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