I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
