Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Randomize
