My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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