R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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