so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
